“Self-Sabotage” Doesn’t Quite Hit the Mark
Are We Really Holding Ourselves Back?
Hey Evolving Potential Collective,
Let’s talk about something that we all struggle with but rarely understand fully: self-sabotage. It’s a word we throw around a lot, but the more I’ve dug into it, the more I’ve realized that calling it “self-sabotage” doesn’t quite hit the mark.
Here’s the truth: We’re not actually sabotaging ourselves. We’re protecting ourselves. Whether it’s from pain, failure, feeling stupid, or any number of things, our subconscious is always trying to keep us safe—even if it means holding us back.
Take my own journey with weight gain as a teen, for example. For years, I wrestled with it, beating myself up for lacking discipline. But what if it wasn’t about discipline at all? What if it was about coping mechanisms? Needing stimulation? Or even trying to protect myself from something deeper, something I haven’t fully faced yet? When I look back, I can see that food has been a comfort, a distraction, and even a way to shield myself from emotional discomfort. It wasn’t sabotage—it was survival.
I see the same pattern showing up in my fear of public speaking. I’ve convinced myself for years that I’m ready, that it’s time to step up and share my message. But then, I find myself creating endless “to-do” lists: more certifications, more degrees, more mentorship…anything to make sure I don’t make mistakes. Because here’s the kicker—I absolutely hate being wrong. I hate feeling stupid. And the fear of that is still a huge trigger for me.
I’m learning that my subconscious is just trying to protect me from the pain of feeling inadequate. It’s not sabotaging me; it’s shielding me. But this protection is also keeping me from living out my vision, from taking the stage and stepping fully into my purpose.
The more I unpack these layers, the more I realize how complex self-sabotage really is. It’s not about laziness or a lack of willpower. It’s about meeting subconscious needs and protecting ourselves from pain. And if we’re not aware of it, these protective mechanisms will keep us stuck.
So, how do we start breaking free?
By getting to know ourselves on a deeper level—our subconscious desires, our coping mechanisms, and the ways we protect ourselves without even realizing it. It’s about becoming more aware of our behaviors, staying in line with our intentions, and constantly checking in to see if our vision and actions are aligned.
If you’re ready to go deeper on this journey, here are three books I highly recommend:
The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest – A powerful exploration of how to turn self-sabotage into self-mastery.
The War of Art by Steven Pressfield – A no-nonsense look at overcoming resistance and doing the work you’re meant to do.
The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks – An eye-opening guide to recognizing and moving beyond your upper limits.
And here’s my challenge for you: Reframe the hard and scary things you’re doing as safe and valuable necessary steps to the right path. Your dreams are worth the risk and even mistakes move you in the right direction. Find healthier coping mechanisms, notice your behaviors without judgment, and keep yourself aligned with your intentions. That’s how we create the lives we truly want.
I’d love to hear from you! What content would you be interested in hearing me speak about? What’s holding you back right now, and how can we work through it together?
Hit reply and let me know—I read every message.
Keep evolving,
Todd Smith
Evolving Potential Collective